Why?

I’m not the kind of guy who got divorced and said ‘never again’. I liked being married. I liked my marriage for the most part. I still believe in love.

There have been a few things that have surprised me since I have been back in the dating mix. Since my divorce dating has been pretty easy for me, why I don’t know it just has been. I have been surprised by the women who seem to be attracted to me. When an beautiful, intelligent, 18 year old college freshman asks you if you want to go out, it’s a little surprising, and if you’re not an idiot you say “yes, of course”. Now if this only happened once and even twice you could say it was a fluke. I have been out with about 10 different women in the past 9 months, 4 of them asked me out. They range in age from 18 to 26. They all are either in college currently or have graduated with a college degree.

Now if I was into indiscriminate sex and wanted to date around I would be in heaven.

I want to find ‘her’, you know, ‘the one’. Yes, I still believe in the concept of a soul mate.

I have come so close, met many wonderful women. I know ‘she’ has to exist.

Here is my logic. There are an estimated 6,671,226,464 people on the planet. Out of that 3,310,483,706 people are female. Now consider that approximately 886 million of those women are between 18 and 30. Once more that leaves an estimated 253 million women in that age group who are not married.

Now out of these 253 million women what are the odds that ‘the one’ lives in a 50 mile radius of me? The odds are about 1 in 230 million.

The chances of hitting the grand prize on the Powerball lottery are 1 in 146 million. If I were to bet my life on winning the lottery you would rightfully think I was insane. But that’s exactly what we do every day when it comes to love.

Yes these numbers are real.

Stop and think about it. Somewhere out there is your perfect love. The one you have dreamed of since you had dreams of love. Even if there were thousands of people who qualified as your perfect ‘the one’ your odds don’t improve that greatly. How do you sift through all these people to find ‘her’?

Talk about a needle in a haystack.

I want Love, not just the common run of the mill blah relationship; I want to be head over heels for ‘her’.

Then it dawned on me. If I was looking for the perfect house I would get a realtor. If I were looking at investments I would get a broker.

We get professionals to help us with the biggest decisions in our lives. Why would love be any different?

I need to find someone who can help my search. I need a matchmaker.

One problem, matchmakers don’t exist in the US like that anymore, and the few that do have a small clientele making my odds worse not better.

We have convinced ourselves that love is a simple do-it-yourself exercise like remolding your bathroom. Our divorce rate reflects it too.

I need someone who is capable of casting a wide net and is able to match me against thousands of prospective women not dozens or even hundreds.

Then my odds improve.

Where do such services exist? Well, the closest things in existence are international marriage brokers. What is commonly called ‘mail order bride agencies’.

See this has nothing to do with not wanting an American woman. This has everything to do with wanting the right woman.

I love American women. The reality is that I have traveled quite a bit and I discovered people are pretty much the same everywhere. So where ‘she’ comes from makes no difference to me.

Oh, I know lots of people love to find the differences in each other and pick them to death. It makes them feel better, more superior. Here’s a little secret. Generalizations are bullshit.

Do you seriously think American woman are that different than women from anywhere else? Be real. Yes there are cultural differences. Guess what, those cultural differences are expressed right here in the good old USA too.

This is a country of immigrants. People seem to forget that. American woman ARE from Europe, Asia, Africa, and Latin America. Unless your Native American, guess what, you’re an immigrant, and proof that people are people.

About me

So, where to begin? I know the first question most people would have is why, actually several whys. Why would I even consider the idea of what is euphemistically called a mail order bride? Why would I open myself up to the stigma and probable ridicule that would come from posting a blog about the whole idea? Why post in unvarnished detail about the experience?

I know right off the bat many people will probably think I’m some looser who can’t get a date, or some psychopath who abuses women, or chauvinist who wants a docile woman he can control, or I am looking for some sort of sex slave. I know the stereotypes as well as anyone.

Now I do have to admit I do not know if I am typical, but in my case the stereotype couldn’t be further from the truth.

I am a successful 40 year old professional. I know, here come the first attacks. Yes I am 40, and yes I have money, that doesn’t make me the devil.

No I am not an out of shape, fat, ugly, old guy. I work out and I am probably in nearly as good shape as I was in my 20’s. Yes, my hair is thinning a little on top, guess what; it was thinning a little on top at 29. So I have always kept my hair short. Short, not bald, not a crew cut. I have gotten a little gray on the sides, just a little salt and pepper look, it actually looks good, and so no I don’t dye it. While I personally don’t consider myself above or below average in appearance, the women I have dated have always commented how handsome they felt that I was. I take these comments with a grain of salt, I doubt they would say “you know you’re a great guy but…”, somehow that just seems out of character to me. I am not conceded with my appearance, nor am I ashamed; I am merely comfortable with it.

Why don’t I post a photo of myself? Not yet, I might, it depends on how all this turns out. For the time being I prefer a little anonymity. I have no idea what the reaction to me doing this is going to be. I expect some degree of ridicule. I know there will be people who have made up their mind about me and my motivations regardless of reality.

Oh, I am however short. So if you really need to find a defect to justify my actions there you go. Sorry, it’s the best if got. I know it’s not quite what some of you have probably hoped for but it’s all I have. I will even admit that it is the one thing I am a little self conscious about.

No, I don’t think I can buy love. I don’t flaunt my status. I live a simple life, comfortable but simple. I don’t come from an affluent background. Everything I have I achieved on my own through hard work, sacrifice, and perseverance.

I am of above average intelligence. Yes, I know that sounds arrogant, but I am simply stating a fact. I don’t believe that I qualify for the burden of the ‘G’ word regardless of what I may have scored on a few intelligence tests.

I am divorced, twice actually. I know many of you are thinking “see, I knew there was something…”, but it’s not that ominous in reality.

My first marriage was simply a mistake of stupidity. Simply put neither of us was in love even from the beginning. All of our friends were getting married so it seemed ‘time’ to get married. No augments, no horrible ending we just were not meant to be together. After a few years we just ended up parting ways.

There were lessons learned from the first marriage though.

For example, I have heard people say time and time again “I want to be friends first” or “friendship is the most important thing in a relationship”. My first wife and I were friends, best friends even. We had lots in common, our sex life was alright, we literally never argued. But it was missing something, the passion, the romance, was just not there.

My second marriage was good. My ex-wife and I are still very close friends. We still love each other and care about each other’s well being, there has simply been too many mistakes made by both of us to be together. Our marriage failed for reasons I can only describe as a perfect storm of mistakes that compounded on each other. While we both made mistakes that served to worsen things I will gladly take full responsibility for the failure of the marriage. I don’t want to get into too much detail because I want to violate her privacy. But for whatever reasons that I felt justified it at the time I had an affair.

There were lessons learned from my second marriage as well.

Two wrongs not only do not make a right, they make a third, fourth, fifth, and so on wrong more likely. Things can quickly spiral out of control so that both of you feel like you’re riding a wave of mistakes rather than making decisions.

Oh, and an affair is not justifiable no matter how much you think it is.

So, let see what’s next.

Yes I have children. And I am a very involved and loving father. I have joint custody and they live with their mother. The oldest is 10. No I am not giving a lot of detail about my children; this blog is about me and my experiences in regard to a so called mail order bride.

I don’t drink. Nope not a drop. Not for religious reasons. I just don’t. I have in the past. The last time I did was when I was 16. I don’t care if others do, I simply don’t. I even have a stocked bar at home that is the envy of my friends. I entertain frequently and being a good host I am a rather good bartender. I do keep a stock of about 20 bottles alcohol removed wines for myself.

I am a smoker. About a pack a day. I know terrible nasty habit. So for those of you who hate smokers and the idea of a mail order bride now you have two reasons to hate me.

What else?

In the beginning…

Well first of all the reason I am writing this blog is the lack of information on what is called mail order brides. Yes there are sites all over the internet selling services. Sites focused on women from Russia, the Ukraine, the Philippines, and Columbia, Peru, all over Asia, Eastern Europe, and Latin America. What’s lacking is unbiased information.

So, I decided to start this blog to answer the questions I wanted answers to. I doubt that I am the only person seriously considering this. I doubt I am the only person confused by all the mixed messages.

What is a mail order bride really? Not the stereotype, what is reality.

What about these ‘romance tours’ or ‘love tours’?

I want to know the truth not the hype for or against it. I want personal experience not a sales testimonial.

Well, that’s the one thing I can’t find, and I have looked. No one has stood up and said “this is my experience, this is what happened, this is the reality, and here is the truth”.

Then it I realized, maybe I should be the one who makes the journey and tells the tale.

So here begins my account of discovering the truth.